Tips for Caregivers

“Caregivers are often the casualties, the hidden victims. No one sees the sacrifices they make.”                                                                                                     – Judith L. London

It is really hard to see a loved one suffering from a mental illness. It not only takes away the essence of the relationship, it also puts both the individuals at unease, the sufferer with the suffering of mental illness, the caregiver with guilt and helplessness. Here are some tips to make caregiving process simple, easy and more effective.

1. Understand the mental illness – For the right caregiving, one must learn about the mental illness in its entirety. With so many misconceptions and fads around the mental health problems, it is easy to get carried away. Please understand the cause, symptoms and prognosis adequately. It helps to plan the short term and the long term goals. It also helps in setting realistic expectations from the caregiving process.
2. Get the right treatment for your loved one – Mental illnesses are treatable! One must get the right treatment under the right mental health professional to get back to normal routine. However, sometimes, people with mental illness do not have the insight that they are suffering from a mental illness. It, then, becomes the responsibility of the caregiver to contact a psychiatrist and ask for help. There are sound ways to get an unwilling patient to talk into treatment.
3. Talk openly with your therapist – It is important to discuss openly and honestly about the symptoms of your loved one with mental illness. Hiding the issues or giving only half the picture hampers the treatment procedure. Also, it is advisable to share the caregiving problems without shame and guilt. It is understandable that the caregivers have limited time and resources for caregiving. If discussed openly, a mutually agreeable tailor made plan can be put in place which suits everyone including the patient and the caregivers.
4. Discuss with your family – Caregiving patients with mental illness is a difficult proposition, especially when the patients do not realise that they have a mental illness. They don’t cooperate for taking medicines. They are not willing to go to the doctor. In such cases, discussing the issues with other family members helps in relieving the caregiving stress. The fears and apprehensions, when discussed properly can materialise into workable plans.
5. Share the caregiving burden – Take turns with other family members to go to the doctor. Share the financial burden with all earning members in the family. Include patient’s close ones in decision making. Divide days to supervise the medication of the patient. Sharing is caring! Sharing reduces stress on one member of the family and it gives chance to all the family members to understand what the patient is going through.
6. Join a forum or a self help group – Talking to families of people who suffer from similar mental illnesses gives a whole new perspective to the caregiving process. It helps in exchanging ideas and tips on how to take care of the patient better. Interestingly, there are self-help groups which not only cater to the needs of the patients with mental illnesses but also look after their caregivers.
7. Pursue hobbies – Chronic mental disorders can really burn out the caregiver. It is necessary to maintain a consistent persistent caregiving approach throughout. And so the caregivers have to find some leisure time for themselves. Pursuing hobbies is an easy way to refresh oneself from the daily monotony.
8. Find a day for yourself – Take a short pause from caregiving once a month or so.  A day or a weekend getaway is required to clear the mind and rejuvenate the tired body. It is, in fact, seen that short breaks improve the caregiving process by giving the caregiver time off from the same.
9. Care with empathic non-judgemental attitude – It is important to understand that your loved one is going through a lot while he/she is struggling through a mental illness. Sometimes, as a caregiver, we tend to overlook their perspective as it tends to get masked by the mental illness. However, despite the mental illness, most of the patients know how they want to be treated. We have to see this in the light of this simple analogy – Imagine that you are looking at the head side of the coin and your loved one at the tail side. So you both identify the object in hand as a coin, which is absolutely right, but both of you are looking from a different angle, and hence you see the heads and your loved one sees the tail. Despite both being right, both have different visions. Therefore, it is important to respect your loved one and care for him/her in a dignified manner even if you both may have differences in opinion.
10. Feeling guilty does not help – Some caregivers end up with the guilt of not having the mental illness. They feel guilty as their loved ones appear to get stuck while they themselves appear to be moving on in life. Such emotions and thoughts are natural but they don’t help at all in the caregiving process. In fact, they hinder it. Understand that mental illness is a phase which will get over soon. Help them with empathy, not sympathy! 

You can’t pour from an empty pot! Please take care of yourself adequately before you help your loved one through his/her mental illness.

Wishing you the best of mental health today and always!

Dr Apala