‘’Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.’’ – Mark Twain
Lippincott defines anger as an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat. The term anger generates a series of negative emotions in us. It reminds us of the clenched fists, arguing heads, blood eyes and frowned faces. Even our digital media have a red face emoji with a frowning mouth, eyes and eyebrows scrunched downward conveying anger.
Is it really such a toxic emotion?
Well not always! Aristotle calls those people foolish who do not get angry in the right manner, at the right time and with the right people. Research has shown that anger could be a sign of strength and force that leads to needed action. For example, getting angry over discrimination may result in series of action that protect individual’s right and dignity.
However, we cannot ignore the fact that anger at times, does wreak major interpersonal havoc and destruction. Angry people are susceptible to make bad choices during their fit of anger. Studies have shown that long term anger has been associated with severe medical problems such as heart disease and stroke. It is associated to a range of emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, conduct disorders and substance abuse.
Mark Twain was indeed right. Like a vessel who is containing acid, it is often the person who gets damaged by the anger. Therefore, it becomes necessary to manage our anger. The key to anger management involves developing knowledge around anger and learning necessary behavioural skills.
Let’s begin by understanding anger and its mechanism.
Understanding Anger
Anger can be described as an intense emotional state. It involves three components: the feeling, the biological component and the behavioural component.
It is a feeling that may arise when an individual experiences threat to self in the form of loss, embarrassment, disappointment, injury, exploitation and envy.
The biological component means increased heartbeat, tensed muscles, tight jaws and headache.
The behavioural component is often referred to as aggression which include raising a clenched fist, throwing a book, breaking a glass, or hitting a wall. It also includes verbal expression of anger such as yelling, cursing, and arguing.as well as internal ruminations. Aggressive behaviour is different from anger in the sense that it intends to cause harm or pain.
The next important question is – how much amount of anger is considered normal? Some other significant points to ponder about are – How intense is our anger? How frequently we get angry? Is our anger creating difficulties in our interpersonal relationships? Do we get angry with the right person at the right time?
To answer these questions, it is best to understand anger on a continuum from light irritation to overwhelming rage and fury. Anger becomes problematic when it is at the extreme end, high in both frequency and duration; and is disproportionate to the event or person who triggered it. Anger also creates problem when it remains endured, unexpressed, and unresolved. The father of psychology, Sigmund Freud, says that supressed anger becomes an underlying cause of clinical depression.
Keeping the above discussion in view, it is mind boggling to answer if it is better to hold anger in or let it out. This question poses great challenge to all of us as it is unwise to hold anger in for long period of times and its foolish to express it impulsively and intensely. The only healthy way to deal with it is to express it thoughtfully at the right time with the right person, a skill which can be learned through behavioural skills under anger management.
A short guide to manage our red head
Psychologists believe that half of the problem is resolved when people acknowledge and accept that a problem exists. Self-awareness about the problem lays the groundwork for anger management.
Identifying triggers
- Keep a record of behaviours that trigger your anger. There could be situations when others are not involved but they can induce negative emotions, for example, when you are stuck in traffic for long hours.
- This is followed by observing one’s own behaviour and reactions in response to different negative circumstances.
- Understanding the negative consequences that result from anger will act as reinforcement to do something about the problem. For example, one may be stuck at the traffic signal and may become impatient because the red light is taking too long. In this scenario, perhaps one’s anger might be triggered by reaching late for an important meeting at work. Now one can become angry and end up driving recklessly and not follow traffic rules. This will further put that individual in a difficult position. One may have to pay a fine or in worst circumstances one can land in an accident. The negative consequences that result from this event are not reaching for work, paying fine and the embarrassment one suffers from being a careless citizen.
Simple Strategies for Controlling Anger.
In addition to becoming aware of anger, one needs to learn the behavioural strategies to manage it effectively. These strategies can help calm down, manage anger and eventually avoid negative consequences. Here, we have mentioned some useful strategies for dealing with anger.
Breathing Exercises
Deep breathing is a powerful technique to work on one’s anger on an immediate basis. It works best if one practices it about ten minutes a day consistently. Let’s get started.
- Stop and focus on your breath as you do this exercise
- Place one hand on your lower abdomen.
- Breathe in deeply and slowly as you count to five, pulling your breath into your lower abdomen until it raises the hand that is resting there.
- Release your breath slowly and smoothly as you count to five and say to yourself ‘’Relax”
Time-Out
A timeout involves leaving a situation if you’re convinced that your anger might get out of control in a particular circumstance. For example, leaving a household for a few minutes is a good idea if there are chances that you might get into heated argument with your family members.
Distraction Techniques
One may try to distract by counting backwards from 100 to 1 or spelling backwards long words like KNOWLEDGE as E-G-D-E-L-W-O-N-K. This needs a lot of focus and patience. Speak aloud, one number/alphabet per second and focus on your breathing along with it. If it sounds too easy, one may also practise serial subtraction such as 100-7 till as far as one can go, for example 100, 93, 86, 79, 72, 65 and so on. You may also sing your favourite song or recite your favourite prayer during the peak of the anger spell. Singing eases out the bodily discomfort and helps in relaxing immediately.
Displacing the emotion
This strategy works wonders for people who are self aware and willing to make a conscious effort in changing their emotion. While angry, one may decide to displace anger with an extremely positive emotion such as an intimate moment with your loved one or an instance of great accomplishment (winning a medal in college/getting the best employee award at work). This emotional displacement fires neurons in a different centre of brain helping the anger centre to settle down quickly!
Sublimation
A healthy and mature way of coping with anger is to use the negative energy in some positive constructive channel such as hitting the gym after a bad argument with your partner, composing a poem/song after having a major disagreement on a phone call, painting a beautiful picture after having a rough day at work!
It is prudent to understand that these techniques help to control anger at that very moment. Once the anger is settled, one must introspect the situation and deal with the root cause of the problem to avoid the same emotional state time and again. For example, starting 5 min early is a wiser way to deal with traffic situation rather then being into an unrested emotional state while worrying about the time of arrival at the destination.
These strategies will surely prove useful for most of us in most of the situations. However, there could be times when things may become overwhelming and unmanageable. In such taxing circumstances, it is advisable that you consult a therapist who validates your efforts and helps you develop healthier coping strategies to make better choices in life.
Wishing you the best of mental health today and always!
Huda Naaz
Apala Aggarwal Tuteja