Becoming a parent means you are automatically incharge of raising another human being. Parent is the first source of contact a child makes to the outer world. As a result, a parent has maximum proximity and a bond with the child which in turn influences and shapes their identity, impacting their development and well-being by way of the approach used to do so.
Child rearing is a process that entails nurturing them physically, emotionally, cognitively & socially from infancy to adulthood. The attitudes and patterns that one follows in doing so, refers to the parenting style. They can be classified into 4 broad categories: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive & Neglectful. The first three styles were developed by Baumrind in the 1960’s and the fourth was added later by other researchers. No one parent will fit the description of any one type completely, but the four theories are described below briefly.
Authoritarian
The main attributes of authoritarian style of parenting are adherence to rules, obedience, and discipline in its toughest sense. These parents have high expectations from their child, and they believe in punishment if guidelines aren’t followed. Authoritarian parents also have complete decision-making power, rarely giving children any say. In lay man’s language, they follow the ‘my way or the highway’ approach.
When raised by an authoritarian parent, children may seem well-behaved but that may be stemming out of fear; in the long run there are higher chances of them becoming rebellious. These kids may also struggle with social skills, indecisiveness, low self esteem, anger management and resentfulness.
Authoritative
Parents belonging to the Authoritative style set firm rules and guidelines for their children but are nurturing, responsive, and supportive of them. While they do exert control on the child; they do so by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning with them. They view the mistakes their child makes as a learning experience and encourage them to move forward without repeating them in the future.
Children raised with this style tend to be friendly, cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled, cooperative and achievement-oriented with high self-esteem and confidence.
Permissive
Permissive parents are relaxed and lenient, and household rules are very minimal and loosely followed. These parents are the total opposite of being strict and refrain from asserting much control, if any. They follow the ‘kids will be kids’ ideology.
Kids who have been raised in this manner generally have high self-esteem, but they can also act entitled, egocentric, and selfish. These children may be irresponsible, impulsive and aggressive, lack a sense of independence and personal responsibility along with poor social skills.
Neglectful
Uninvolved parents don’t devote much time or energy into meeting children’s basic needs. They expect children to raise themselves. These parents tend to have little knowledge of what’s going on in their child’s life. There tend to be few rules, if any in the household. Children are likely to not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parent attention.
These children are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues, may rank low on happiness, have lower cognitive and emotional empathy and often exhibit frequent behavioural problems.
While there is no perfect parent or parenting style; it is important to ensure your parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development in the best interest of the child. Having said that, researchers have established that the authoritative style is the gold standard to rear a well-adjusted adult with admirable qualities.
But then again, as opposed to clear marked theories, in practicality one may see different patterns being followed by different parents; even more so in our society and the Indian setup, wherein grandparents and joint families come into the picture quite often; the complexity increases with so many individuals co-parenting.
It is hard to remain consistent when balancing life and parenting, so don’t engage in parental guilt or shame; simply focus on building and maintaining a positive relationship with your child. Its always good to have a construct in mind, which pans out as a rearing practice that is filled with equal parts structure and play; a household that is their safe space and ‘feels like home’.
Happy parenting! Wishing you the best of mental health today and always!
Aakriti Jain
Consultant Clinic Psychologist